Daily Expirations (5-21-2012)
Well hello there. It’s been a LONG time since my fingers slammed themselves on the keyboard to contribute to this site.
”WAY TO DO WHAT YOU DESCRIBE THE SITE AS! LOL!” - Future Suicide Victim
Yes, its been too long. Finally, I’ve decided to change that, starting with the addition of a new segment. The first new addition of things to come for this site is DAILY EXPIRATIONS.
Daily Expirations will be a piece that’ll come out Monday thru Friday. I like late night jokes and want to try my hand at it. Might as well build muscles elsewhere in my writing “repertoire.” Plus, these jokes are useless a day later, so no need to worry about crafting them for forever and a day.
So; with that, say hello to the FIRST of many DAILY EXPIRATIONS. ENJOY!! (hopefully):
Catholic Organizations launched a lawsuit against the Obama administration over mandates that’d require abortion-inducing drugs, contraceptives and other medicines to be provided to employees. Sources say Catholics haven’t been this angry since “Bring Your Kid To Work Day” was cancelled.
New York woman led police on a 100 mph chase before crashing Sunday after stealing an ambulance from an area hospital. No one was luckily hurt in the crash, she’s in jail, and she’s already been offered a job from every Taxi company in New York.
Donald Trump declared Arsenio Hall the winner on Celebrity Apprentice Sunday night. Arsenio beat out Clay Aiken in the finals to be crowned winner of another 15 minutes of fame.
Supreme Court let a verdict awarding $675,000 in damages to the Record Industry stand after a Boston College student pirated 30 music tracks. Judges would’ve reduced the penalties, but denied it after finding multiple Justin Bieber songs.
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg got married in a private ceremony over the weekend to his longterm girlfriend. The ceremony marked the first time Facebook took privacy seriously.
Tennessee Man who fathered 30 kids asked the courts for a break in child support payments. Sad that after 30 kids no one from Trojan realizes they have the PERFECT spokesperson.
Four tons of Marijuana were found floating off the coast of California. Harbor Patrol have no suspects yet, but thousands have already applied to Harbor Patrol to lend a hand.”
